I love writing. I am a writer and I can’t imagine my life not doing this. It is a very important aspect of my therapy. English novelist, journalist and playright Graham Greene said “writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic and fear that is inherent to the human situation.”
When I start writing it is like turning on a tap and I completely empty my mind on the page. If I don’t do this, I become overwhelmed and I lose perspective. And I always feel so much lighter afterwards. Like my world makes a bit more sense.
Ernest Hemingway said writing is bleeding – “You just sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” And that’s exactly how I experience it. It is often also accompanied by crying, but I think the two go well together.
It also helps me to own my story. I think this is the most wonderful thing I’m experiencing right now.
I read something (and I don’t know who said it) that goes like this: You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.
And this is why writing helps me – it helps to settle the rage in me. It comforts me. It makes me feel that what I have to say is valid and real. Writing grounds me and it allows me to express myself without fear of judgement.
It helps me to feel more and think less – this is really important for me. It is one of my biggest struggles. Thinking distances me from my inner self, my pain and trauma and then I tend to slip back into unhelpful patterns of intellectualising things. To heal my trauma I have to learn to feel. Deeply. And often that is very uncomfortable.
Through writing I’ve found my own voice – that’s the best thing! And you know what I’ve realised? No matter what happened to me, no one can take my voice away from me.
Writing is helping me to process what I’m feeling, instead of the thoughts and feelings just racing around in my mind. So now I can actually receive the messages that my subconscious mind is sending my way – both good and bad messages.
Writing is my sacred ritual. It is what I do to mend what’s broken inside. I do it everyday – even if it is just a paragraph I get those thoughts, fears and emotions onto the pages. I write about the things I shouldn’t forget because forgetting is not helpful in the healing process. You can’t shelve trauma. Writing helps me not to be afraid of my own mind and memories. It is just a wonderful thing.