My one wild and precious life

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Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it is just about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.

I’ve been stuck inside all day. It has been pouring with rain since early this morning. But later this afternoon it cleared just enough to go outside for a bit and watch the beautiful stormy sunset. The clouds were all wispy with delicate shades of orange and yellow. I watched the clouds move slowly across the sky. They don’t seem in any hurry to get anywhere. They just move along slowly in the direction the wild takes them.

While I was standing outside I thought that this is actually the way I feel about life. Like the clouds I am in no hurry to get anywhere. Where would I rush to anyway? I am quite happy with a calm life. The more important question for me is what I plan to do with my one wild and precious life? This is a question I constantly ask myself since I came so dangerously close to losing my life.

My answer to this is simple: all I want is to be happy.

It don’t want to exhaust myself chasing status, money or that promotion or fancy job title. I have no need to impress anyone. I don’t want to be busy all the time. I don’t want to be “hectic” all the time. None of these things will make me happy. People often think this approach to life means you “have no ambition”. But it has nothing to do with that. I can think of no better goal in life than to be happy – and if I’m doing what makes me happy professionally and personally I believe I’ve achieved success in life.

I think the glorification of busy is probably one of the biggest afflictions of our time. We live in a world where people are always busy, always on, rushing somewhere, running late, checking emails, clutching their smart phones, checking in to everywhere they go – the gym, the mall, that anniversary dinner. People just need to stop. Check out. Slow down. Ask yourself – does any of this make me happy?

This is the thing for me – I don’t want to miss out on the things that make me happy. Those important moments in my life that no amount of status or money can give me.

I want to leave work on time to fetch my son from school. I want to enjoy the sunset and a glass of wine with my husband on the patio and talk about life and our dreams – not stare into my computer screen answering work emails. I want to walk in the park and look at the trees. I want to notice the seasons change and watch the roses in my garden bloom. I want to enjoy an evening with my friends. I want to make Christmas decorations with my son and not give any thought to whatever needs to be done at work. I want to sit on the couch with my son under a blanket and drink hot chocolate.

What I’ve learned is that it is up to me to set the standards for my life. I have to decide what is important to me and unashamedly stick to what I believe. I have to set my own boundaries otherwise someone else will set them for me. And this won’t be for my benefit. Do what you know in your heart is right. Don’t dance to someone else’s tune.

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Opportunity that comes with depression

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opportunity that comes with depression

 

This is a perfect description of what of my life is like living with depression. It is something I have to manage all the time, but it isn’t all bad. In fact I’m experiencing some of the most beautiful times of my life right now. I feel connected. I know who I am. I am healing. And when I feel pain and uncertainty and fear – and this happens very often – that’s okay. I allow myself to go there and experience it. I’m learning amazing things about myself. I appreciate my life and the opportunity to have another go at it. ❤

Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky

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When I was driving to work this morning I was thinking about my career. If what I’m doing is what I should be doing, if it is good for me, if I really love what I do (but this is a story for another post…). What I did conclude is that I could never work as a treefeller – at least one thing I know for sure! I just love trees so much and I wouldn’t have the heart to ever cut one down. I believe that mother nature cries out if a tree is cut down without a good reason. It makes my heart sore.

I think trees are magical. They store in them so much positive energy and provide restoration and comfort in times of sadness. Have you ever sat and just looked at a tree for ages? Have you listened to a tree bending in the wind – if it is a really old one it creaks and groans as the branches sway. And when there’s a slight breeze the leave rustle gently.

Trees are very good teachers – you can learn a lot about life just by observing them.

Trees are constantly teaching me how to become silent and how to get comfortable with myself and my own thoughts.

I saw this quote by JB Hill: “As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don’t try and stand straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to be bent and blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try to hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break.”

Isn’t that just so true?

Trees also teach us this: Stand tall and be proud, sink your roots into the earth, be content with your natural beauty, remember your roots, stay deeply rooted while reaching for the sky, affirm life’s magic, stand tall after a storm, feel refreshed after it rains, grow strong without notice, provide shelter to strangers, be prepared for each season, hang tough through a cold spell and…

Be still long enough to hear your own leaves rustling.

 

Don’t be afraid to get back up

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Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best. ~Unknown

Isn’t this just beautiful and inspirational? ❤ Sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best. I’ve experienced this and it is so true. I’m fortunate to have another go at life. It is such a privilege.

 

What I’m (slowly) learning

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If I’ve learned anything from life, it’s that sometimes, the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places. I’ve learned that the most toxic people can teach us the most important lessons; that our most painful struggles can grant us the most necessary growth; and that the most heartbreaking losses of friendship and love can make room for the most wonderful people.
I’ve learned that what seems like a curse in the moment can actually be a blessing, and that what seems like the end of the road is actually just the discovery that we are meant to travel down a different path. I’ve learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope.
And I’ve learned that no matter how powerless we feel or how horrible things seem, we can’t give up. We have to keep going. Even when it’s scary, even when all of our strength seems gone, we have to keep picking ourselves back up and moving forward, because whatever we’re battling in the moment, it will pass, and we will make it through. We’ve made it this far. We can make it through whatever comes next. — Daniell Koepke

 

This is such a beautiful quote. There are some good life lessons in here. What stands out for me is that the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places. Our most painful struggles can grant us the most necessary growth. What seems like the end of the road is just the discovery that we are meant to travel down a different path. And – there’s always hope. Always. I hold on to that when things get rough. ❤

 

 

Sunsets and new beginnings

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I love sunsets and wherever I go I’m always taking photos of the sun setting. So here are three of my favourites – the first two are Johannesburg sunsets and the third one was taken in the Drakensberg.

Sunsets (and sunrises, actually) always give me hope. They are two constants – no matter what happens the sun will always rise and always set. And I find that comforting.

And if I’ve had a bad day I try to remind myself that this day will never happen again. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Even if the mountains in your life are still there, you have another chance to look at them from a different angle.

Sunsets are also mother nature’s way of reminding me that life is amazing. It is a privilege to be alive and I never want to take my life for granted.

Today’s sunset was so spectacular. I was driving and couldn’t take a good photo, but it was a beautiful big flaming red ball setting on the horizon and all the clouds were soft purple and orange. I was reminded of one of my favourite quotes:

 
Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.” ~ Dorothy Thompson